Of Discipline And Rituals
– You asked for help. You asked for me. So here I am.
– I find myself oscillating a lot in this idea of Who I Really Am. So… that’s why I asked for help. I don’t even want to fix anything. I have this feeling. This instinct about Who I Really Am. It feels magickal, it feels huge, it feels noble. I don’t care for any issues. I want THAT: that beautiful, awe inspiring essence of Who I Really Am. I want that to be manifested in my life. I don’t want to wait. I want it now.
– It IS now. And you don’t have to wait. In fact, waiting ruins it. And you know it.
– What can I do to bring it forward?
– You are looking for it where it is not. Look for it where it is. It is right here, right now. You just felt it clearly in the conversation you had with your neighbour, in the synchronicity, in the love you felt for her relative whom you have never even met. You often access that state while performing rituals. You like them because when you perform your rituals you simply reach out and grab that essence of Who You Really Are. And you could just reach out and grab it in many other moments of your life. AND in fact you have already started doing so. Think about today. Think about when you have done that.
– I was looking in the bathroom mirror right after having woken up and I realised I was feeling deeply well, in spite of having been upset the day before. The upsetting conditions were still there, but I was feeling deeply well.
– Did you feel that just now? Your thought wavered for a fraction of a second and you felt your energy sink. You used to believe that meant you “lost it”. You didn’t lose it at all. Your energy simply changed its frequency with your focus. You can always change frequency again. See? Now you can feel it in your body: that sweetness, that OK-ness, that deep satisfaction and knowing. Feels very familiar, doesn’t it?
– Where / How to keep my focus?
– Yes, that is the question, isn’t it? But, again, I am not here for the question. I am here for the answer.
– When I am feeling like this, I know who I am. This feels like me. This feels right.
– Don’t make so many things wrong. Otherwise you won’t be able to feel right, get it?
– Funny, funny.
– You got it though. You got to the part of it where being you is unconditional. You took a snapshot in your mind of that moment when you had your feet on the ground and you were looking up at the blue sky through the beautiful branches of pine trees and breathing deeply. And you said to yourself: “WHEN I have my feet on the ground and I am looking up at the blue sky through tree branches, I know who I am.” In other words “WHEN I am in this particular circumstance, I know who I am.” Yet right now you are finding yourself in very mundane circumstances, with no ground under your feet, no blue sky above you and no trees in sight and still you can feel that sweetness in your body, that clarity in your mind, that knowing, that deep knowing of who you are. And now you understand it is a feeling and a knowing that surfaces WHENEVER you allow it. It does not require any special circumstances, any special conditions to be fulfilled. You needn’t be on “the right diet”, you needn’t perform any ritual – you know you have done none of that today. Now you understand this feeling, this state of being is yours. Forever. No matter what. This is why you have been resisting discipline: because you know that what you are after is not the result of discipline. You know from instinct that nothing can separate you from this state that you desire. And you know from instinct that true discipline is just the by-product of doing that which you love. And so you deeply resent the idea that you must do this or that in order to achieve that state which you know to be your natural state. And now that you know this in your waking state, not just by instinct, you can relax. You have the knowing AND the experience: you know that the state you desire is yours and you have experienced it as being completely yours, unconditionally. So follow any discipline you feel like following, perform any ritual you feel like performing – not as a means to an end, but for ENJOYMENT, for the pleasure of celebrating that which is (already) yours.